I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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