Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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