Come see our sink grown plant.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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