Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
