Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
