The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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