I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
