she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
