First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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