Pants 0. Shit 1.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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