I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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