In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
