He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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