Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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