i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
