you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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