Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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