I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
