you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
