youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
