we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it penis luge time yet?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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