I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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