Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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