Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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