if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
