I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
