zippers are such a cool invention
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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