he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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