Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
