Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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