you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
