I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
