So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize