Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
