now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
