Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
