Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
