i just google imaged poop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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