You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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