I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
