Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how does that bad decision feel?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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