I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
