the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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