My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
