you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
