i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
