im drinking this country out of the recession.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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