Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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