it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
