There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
