Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
