I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
