I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
