I think my fart just growled at me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
