You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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