Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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