I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
