swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
