one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
