that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
