just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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