Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
