when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
