this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
