I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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