dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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