If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
