I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
