Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
