We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
