One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
