we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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